An Open Letter to John Grisham

Dear John,

I really like all the books of yours that I’ve read, and the movies made from your books that I’ve seen. Please allow me to list the stuff of yours I’ve read or watched to prove my sincerity: The Firm, The Pelican Brief, A Time to Kill, Runaway Jury, The Rainmaker, The Client and hmmm, I guess that’s it. Anyways, so I read your interview on Above the Law today. I see that you don’t like law firms and don’t empathize with the lifestyle's Biglaw attorneys have. I couldn’t agree more. However, for some of us who went a different route, there is a little thing called law school debt that is so overwhelming that sometimes in the middle of the day, like out of nowhere, I’m filled with sudden panic attacks trying to imagine how I will ever pay it off so that I have the satisfactory credit history necessary to purchase the home necessary to bag the quality female necessary to ensure I don't wake up alone the rest of my life. In my weaker moments, I must admit, I plan the death I may one day fake to escape this debt purgatory.

So if you could see it in your heart to ever Google “John Grisham, Pear Sandwich” and come across this blog, please consider this letter a request that you either A) loan me $140,000 interest free or B) read my fiction, give me some pointers and pass it along to people in the know/loan me $140,000 interest free, that would be peachy. Thanks in advance.

P.S. For my friends out there who are planning on waiting 2-4 months then creating a fake email account with the name “John Grisham” in the hope of pranking me, please don’t, even though if I were in your shoes I would do the exact same thing, hope that you were foolish enough to bite and then laugh about it for a good portion of the rest of my life, happily retelling that story to anyone who would listen. So, you know, thanks in advance to you too for not doing that.