Sunday, April 26, 2009

Foul Balls Make People Do Some Terrible Things

If you want to see the world at it's worst then watch what happens when a foul ball isn't caught cleanly at a baseball game.

I was at the Angel game a few weeks ago when someone fouled a ball straight back. An unathletic and overweight 12 year old was the closest person to it, but he only managed to get his fingertips on it. He was sitting at the front row of the upper deck and the ball just barely got high enough for him to touch it at all. The kid would have been risking death if he'd done any more, and it would have been the greatest catch by any fan of all time. Getting a hand on the ball was more than could be expected from a professional athlete, let alone this young kid who didn't look like much of an athlete. Yet the crowd booed. It was terrible.

Later some dad dropped his 2 year old daughter when a foul ball was hit 5 rows behind him. I mean, the man was sitting on the aisle and the ball was heading for the stairs so he did have a good shot at catching this ball. And he did end up with it. But it's just all that he did to get it. First he dropped his kid. Then he ran backwards up those steps, but he didn't make a clean catch. So the ball rolls down the steps and he bowled down after it, knocking over anyone who got in his way. Like he seriously knocked this other guy sideways, and this other guy fell into his friends. There's bodies all over the floor here, including -- again let me emphasize the point -- his toddler who may have brain damage now, all in the pursuit of something that can be purchased at a store for $4.

So yes. This is a weird and strange world we live in. But then enters your hero Sir Fantastic.

At the Angel game today I made a clean bare-handed catch of a foul ball. Except, and this part stings, I didn't get the standard round of applause from the crowd for a clean catch. I assume it's because I didn't pump my hands in the air like a jack ass. I simply took my seat with class, and am now writing to brag about it with less class.

Speaking of less class, the Jesus pictures are meant to represent my generosity and clairvoyance. I gave the ball away to some kid, and I dreamt the night before I'd catch a foul ball. Maybe this means my unconscious is in tune with the other dimensions where the relativity of time lives? I think that's how that works. Now I just need to develop and hone this superpower.


Mr. Hari said...

Sir Fantastic said...

what the hell?! so someone at the onion is stealing my ideas eh? wait, guess they're stealing my life stories and leaving behind my onion ideas. nonetheless, i feel vindicated.