Sunday, March 14, 2010

Short Story

So I'm posting a short story of mine here. I tried to post it way back when but gave up when it wouldn't work. Not this time. I won't be discouraged this time. (Unless no one likes it. Then I'll be really discouraged and probably alternate between self-pity and self-aggrandizement and do ridiculous stuff like send my friends emails with a link to this old gem as a coping mechanism.) Any who, here it is:


“Yes it’s true, but I don’t like talking about it. Can we drop it?”

“I don’t mind you doesn’t bother me.”

“Let’s just drop it.”

“Fine...but just know that I don’t care. We’ve all done things that we’re embarrassed about.”

“Yea, I know. It’s just that this was one of those things that I really didn’t want you to know about it. It’s sooo embarrassing.”

“I know, Baby...but it’s knowing these things that make relationships stronger.”

“I don’t know about that...”

“Of course, Honey. You can’t truly love someone unless you know about them completely.”

“I don’t know... I think there still are some things you should keep from each other.”

“Really? You’re keeping things from me?”

“No... It’s just that you can’t see someone completely and still love them...”

“Well...maybe at first...I do agree that you got to be careful at first...uh...but, uh, but not forever...wait, maybe you’re...”



“What were you saying?

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes you were. You trailed off there...What were you saying?”

“It’s nothing.”

“What do you mean it’s nothing? What were you going to say?”


“Don’t do this. I know what you’re trying to do.”


“You wanted to say something. Something’s on your mind.”

“’s just that you can’t reveal too much information in the beginning of a relationship... You’re right...”

“Uh., huh.”



“I don’t know...this is awkward now...”


“Ok, it’s just that... This conversation. And I don’t know, it’s got me thinking of something I hadn’t thought of in a while...”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, to say this the best’s’s just that I’ve killed a man.”


“Ha, now calm down... It’s not what it sounds like... It’s just...well...I don’t want to keep any secrets from you.”


“Ok, I can see you’re upset. Like I said, it’s not what it sounds like... It
was a few Christmases ago... You know my family goes to the bar on Christmas Eve?”


“Well I was driving on the way back…and I was a little buzzed... Everybody was pretty tanked. We were just having a good time like we always do... It's not like I was doing anything terrible. I was just driving a little buzzed is all."


"And then we were driving on this bridge, this narrow icy bridge, and I see a guy standing off the side of it...”


"And it was the holidays. You know how people get during the holidays. So I stop the car... And I get out, to see how he's doing...and he's just staring out, looking down at the water. So like I said I'm a little buzzed, and I inch closer and I think ‘ I'll probably be helping this guy out. If he really wants to do it but he's afraid. You know, he’s obviously alone, just probably too big of a coward to pull it off.’ So I push him. Like I said, help him out you know."

"Oh my God!"

"Yea, so I get back in the car, and drive home."

"Wait, wait. Wait, your family saw you do this?!?"

"Yea it was their idea. So anyways, we go back home, go to bed, wake up the
next day and open the presents and what not.”

“What do you mean it was their idea?!?”

“Honey, please, I’m in the middle of my story here... Anyways, so we eat the turkey, watch some basketball, and then later in the day we see it's all over the news, the story of the 'Falling Fiancée.'"


"Yea, crazy huh? Apparently the guy was out on the bridge to ask his fiancée to marry him. He'd made this enormous banner. That was the route they were taking the next day. And he'd pinned it to the bridge. But to pin it he had to climb over the railing, on the side. So, so like when I saw him, he wasn't going to jump, he was just asking his girlfriend to marry him."

“Oh my God!"


"Oh my God! Oh my God! That was you?!”

"Yea. Crazy huh?"

"Oh my God! I remember that. That was all over the news! And this whole time
they’ve thought it was just an accident! They thought he'd fallen...oh my God...that girl was so sad. She'd had her Christmas ruined...her life...everything."


"Wow...I can't believe it... This whole time, that was you, and no one has any idea."

"Yea, well...except for my family...and now you..."




“So you can see why I waited this long to tell you?”

“...yea...yea...I'm not sure I could have continued seeing you if I knew that earlier."

"I know! That’s my point…”

“Wow...I don’t know. I just don’t know what to think...”

“I know Baby. It’ll take some time...but I mean, don’t you sort of already feel closer to me?”

“I don’t know...”

“C’mon, just a little bit.”

“I don’t know.”

“C’mon Baby...just a teency, eency littie itty bit?

“He-he...ok, but just a little bit.”

“Ok Baby...(they kiss)...thanks know you can’t say anything

“Of course.”

“Not to anybody.”

“I said of course.”

“I know what you said, but you tell your sister everything…and you can’t tell her.”

“I won’t tell her.”

“Promise? ”

“God I promise, jeez. Relax.”

“Ok ok...It’s just you like telling her stuff.”

“I told you I wouldn’t.”




“Hey you got to promise me something though.”

“What’s that, Honey?”

“You got to promise that you won’t ask me with a banner. That’s so lame."

“Ha. You don’t have to worry. I got it all planned out. I’m going to ask you at a baseball game.”

“Oh God! No way! I’m saying no if you do.”

“Ha-ha. That makes it even better. Think how funny that would be for
everyone watching?”

“God you’re so weird.”

“You know you love that about me, Baby... (they kiss again)

“He-he...thanks Babe. But I’m serious. Don’t ask me at a baseball game.”


Bruce said...

You always were a really weird kid.

eralon said...

That seems more like a short play.

rananda said...

wait, so it was all a set up by internal affairs?

Sir Fantastic said...

"We toil in the fields and he drives around in a Rolls-Royce?"

"Yes, it would be nice if he'd buy American, but what are you going to do?"